so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
