We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Did you just see the Batmobile???
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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