And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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