i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
