I got chris browned last night
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
