and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
did i walk over a car last night?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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