Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
