So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
