Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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