My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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