dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize