I have demons in me.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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