New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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