Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
