it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
