yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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