So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
