Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
