OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
