took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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