Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
