Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
