he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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