did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
