She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
