At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
