the condom got lost in my hair
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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