I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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