all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
