the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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