just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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