booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
