Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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