ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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