Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I met the friendliest cop last night
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
