K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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