im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Two words: nipple clamps
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