Im at strip club and am horny
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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