I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
