Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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