I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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