sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
