i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
