so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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