Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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