Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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