Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
