i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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