During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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