I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
