Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
