If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
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I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
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You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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