This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
