so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
