It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
