watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
