dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
