We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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