I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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