My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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