I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
