everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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