sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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