i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
