How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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