please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
