Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
