Im at strip club and am horny
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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