real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
