I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
