Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
