woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
