I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
