dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
