my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
