I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
