dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
