this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
