There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
