My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
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