Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
