it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
